


a sight to die for

by awastedream



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alpha Oikawa Tooru, Alpha/Omega, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Omega Iwaizumi Hajime, be aware, mostly angst, till the story actually begins, upcoming ushiiwa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-08 20:30:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10395471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awastedream/pseuds/awastedream
Summary: "I'm not gonna break up with you, I'm not gonna let you go, you're my boyfriend, my alpha, my fated mate. Do you understand?" Iwaizumi aksed, and he thought everything would be okay, but he couldn't sense his alpha's doubts, fears that will make them grow apart.





	1. say goodbye before you go

"Iwaizumi," the alpha called out his omega's name, "I think we should break up." Oikawa said while Iwaizumi was packing his stuffs. He was leaving for university the next day, and he still hadn’t packed the stuff he would need the most.

An omega going to university wasn't something that often happened, omegas were seen as holes to fuck, someone to bear an alpha's child, or to be toys, they weren't even people in the eyes of most. It was especially rare to go to a well-known university, famous for having quite successful alphas, and even some betas that came from alpha families.

But Iwaizumi Hajime was, and will always be, an exception, he wasn't going to let something like being an omega make him stay away from what he liked to do, he was the type of person that believed, everyone had to value their lives because they only lived once, and make it the greatest. And that’s why he won't let anyone, or anything, hold him back, not even himself, his body.

Having a family that loved and supported him no matter what, helped him a lot to become a person like that. His mother and father were the main reason why he believed in himself so much, they raised him while always saying he had the right to be become anything he wanted to.

When he had his heat for the first time, he was on vacation with his and Oikawa's family, both of their parents had been friends for a long time and they would go on vacations together once every year.

They were staying at a small hotel owned by an old classmate of Oikawa's father. The only alphas there were his father and Oikawa, and they were away from the hotel when it happened. Iwaizumi was in such a great a pain like he never had been in before, he would do anything to end it, he wanted and yearned for an alpha so badly that he didn't know anything about the person he had become, and he didn't like that person.

His mother and Oikawa's mother took him to the hospital right after they realize what was going on with him, Iwaizumi had already passed out from being in such a great pain.

When he opened his eyes again, he was lying at an omega’s hospital bed, it was easy to tell, it was easy to tell, he had seen pictures of some of omega hospitals, they were different than beta and alpha ones, his mother was with him, she was sleeping in a chair and holding Iwaizumi's had tightly.

For a moment, Iwaizumi felt a bit of fear in his bones, because his father was an alpha, and his mother was a beta, so naturally he thought he would be an alpha or a beta, but he clearly wasn't, there wasn't even a single omega in either family tree. The first thing that came to mind was the people questioned about their children when something like that happened, Iwaizumi has afraid of becoming like one of those children, but his parents' answer was obvious, his mother was next to him, holding his hand.

Iwaizumi Hajime was 16 when he was presented as an _omega_.

 

                                                                                                       ||~~*~~||

 

Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa, his alpha, with such calm eyes, not because he was expecting this, because he wasn't at all, it's more like he was having a hard time understanding if what he just heard was something Oikawa had actually said and it wasn't just that his imagination was playing sick games with him, or just Oikawa was playing a creepy prank on him.

"Come again?" Iwaizumi was finally able to say after shaking the first shock.

"I don't want to repeat myself again," Oikawa seemed like he was in physical pain, "It was very hard for me to say that once."

Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa, he was trying to understand what was Oikawa trying to do, but he wasn't able to read anything on Oikawa's face, there was only pain and nothing else, "If you could say that once," Iwaizumi took a deep breath, he was trying to get himself ready for the worst, "I think you can do it again."

Oikawa looked at Iwaizumi with begging eyes to not make him talk more, but Iwaizumi didn't care about it, if Oikawa wanted to end everything between them, despite all the promises they give to each other, he would have to speak and give Iwaizumi a good reason to.

"I think we should break up," the alpha said again and let out a long sigh, "I think it would the best for both of us, we are going to be apart and neither of us knows if we’ll be able to do it," Oikawa was playing with his fingers, like he used to when he was younger when he had to do something he didn't like. "Long distance relationships are rough, and I feel like we will ruin what we have while trying to make it work," Oikawa was right before Iwaizumi, with a little move, he could take Iwaizumi into his arms, like he had done millions of time, but he didn't do it, he couldn't do it. "I don't want to lose you, even if we can't be lovers, I want to stay as friends at least."

"This idiot," Iwaizumi said to himself then he closed the small distance between them, he kissed Oikawa on the lips, the lips Iwaizumi loved too much, often Iwaizumi wasn't the one to makes the first move, not because he didn't like to, it's more like he never had the chance to because Oikawa never keep his hands to himself, or his tongue in, as well as his cook whenever they were alone in a room.

"That is the most ridiculous and absurd reason to break up I've ever heard," Iwaizumi admitted, he was trying to hold in his laugh, the idea of breaking up, just because things "might" happen was nothing but ridiculous, "Even for you," Iwaizumi put his arms around Oikawa's neck, "I'm not gonna break up with you, I'm not gonna let you go, you're my boyfriend, my alpha, my fated mate. Do you understand?"

Oikawa sighed deeply and nodded his head unwillingly, Iwaizumi stood on his tiptoes to kiss Oikawa's lips again, their height difference wasn't much, but it was big enough that Iwaizumi couldn’t kiss him without getting on his tiptoes, Oikawa didn't reject the kiss from Iwaizumi, how could he even do that? There was no way for him to reject an opportunity to touch Iwaizumi, feel him, he still thought it would be better them, for Iwaizumi, to break up, but Iwaizumi owned his heart, his mind, Iwaizumi just owned Oikawa completely.

Oikawa pull Iwaizumi even closer to his body, Iwaizumi's hands were still wrapped around Oikawa's neck, he responded to Iwaizumi's sweet kiss while opening his mouth to put his tongue into Iwaizumi's mouth. Their breaths suddenly got heavy, and made the room even hotter, their tongues were moving in perfect harmony, Iwaizumi's saliva was coming out of his mouth and making his face look lewd, which was a look Oikawa liked to see on Iwaizumi's face, because he was the one making Iwaizumi look like that.

Iwaizumi's eyes were teary and there was a sudden blush on his face, "O-Oikawa," Iwaizumi could hardly speak, "I-I have to get-nghnn," Oikawa wasn't giving him a break to talk.

"Stop talking," Oikawa pushed Iwaizumi to his bed, where Iwaizumi had his stuff on, Oikawa pushed the things to the floor with one hand. Iwaizumi kicked Oikawa on his stomach right after he throw his stuffs away.

"What the hell are you doing?" Iwaizumi asked, he made a move to get his stuff from floor, "For fuck's sake, what's going on with you tonight?" Iwaizumi snorted, but there wasn't any anger in his voice, he probably was more worried and curious than angry.

Oikawa gripped Iwaizumi's hand lightly before he got out of the bed, and pulled him closer to himself, "I'm sorry, I'll prepare your stuff myself," Oikawa took a long breath, and this made Iwaizumi even more worried, there was something, it wasn't just because of he was moving away, it wasn't that Oikawa wanted to break up because he was afraid, Iwaizumi didn't understand what was going on, but it felt like it wouldn't end nicely.

Iwaizumi turned his head towards Oikawa to face him, he touched Oikawa's face gently, his skin was kinda cold, which is was weird, because even though the mood was ruined Oikawa's skin was burning just a few second ago, and Oikawa's skin was always warm, expect when he felt nervous or sad, "Why are you like this?" Iwaizumi finally asked.

Oikawa shook his head, "Nothing," Oikawa hugged Iwaizumi from behind, "I'm just gonna miss you so much, Iwa-chan, Hajime, so let me stay like this for a while."

Iwaizumi suddenly felt a blush rising to his face, right after he heard his name from Oikawa's lips, "You know," Iwaizumi gulped, it was so damn embarrassing for him to say it loud, but he wanted to say it, "You can do _more than_ hugging," Iwaizumi suggested, "If you want though."

Oikawa didn't make Iwaizumi repeat himself, and started to slowly suck Iwaizumi's neck, his mating bite, one of his the most sensitive spot.

Iwaizumi and Oikawa mated the night of their graduation. Oikawa always wanted it to be during a special day, and he thought, it happening the night they had officially become young adults, and starting a new path of their lives would be the right time. Iwaizumi wasn't completely sure about it, not because he doubted their future, mostly he was afraid of a sudden bond like that. But because Oikawa wanted, needed it so bad, he had agreed, after all, they weren't only in love with each other, but they were fated mates as well, there was no way for them to be apart.

"Thank you," Oikawa sounded a bit sad, but Iwaizumi couldn't pay much attention to it, because he was already feeling very dizzy due to Oikawa sucking and biting his nipples, "To-oru," Iwaizumi called out his alpha's name.

"I'm here, I'm here," Oikawa made his omega feel at ease. Oikawa undressed himself and Iwaizumi in no time, "I wanted to take my time," Oikawa looked at his omega lying underneath him, Iwaizumi's whole face a sweet shade of pink, as well as his nipples, his cock and his ass. "But you look too beautiful," Oikawa made Iwaizumi get on his knees, although omegas didn't need lube, Oikawa always used some, because it was kind of fun to watch Iwaizumi's face when he played with Iwaizumi's hole with his fingers, but Iwaizumi was already wet.

"Iwa-chan is so lewd, wet like this," Oikawa stretched his hole, but was careful not to touch, teasing Iwaizumi was what he loved the most, "Do you want me?" Oikawa asked, "tell me how much you want me, Iwaizumi."

"Nhh," Iwaizumi's ass was aching in pain, he needed an alpha to make the pain go away, he needed his alpha, his Tooru, "Please, plea-se, do something," Iwaizumi's voice almost sounded like he was begging.

"God, you're just," Oikawa cursed the beauty of his omega, "too unfair," and he thrusted his cook into Iwaizumi, the omega cried out with the sudden thrust, but the pain finally faded away when he felt his alpha inside of him. "You're just so beautiful," Oikawa said, along with his name, and kept thrusting his hard cook over and over until Iwaizumi just couldn't take it anymore, "I'm sorry," Oikawa murmured with such a sad voice that it would have broken Iwaizumi apart, if he had been able to hear his alpha's voice, but his mind was already gone, deaf to any words.

 

                                                                                                       ||~~*~~||

  
When Iwaizumi woke up, his whole body was worn out, "That goddam ass," he blamed Oikawa for to his pain, but he was at fault as much as Oikawa for not trying to make him stop, after the fourth time, "Thankfully, my heat isn't any time soon, or that ass could get me pregnant," the thought of being pregnant scared the hell out of Iwaizumi, he wasn't ready to be a parent, someday he could think of it, but in the distant future.

Iwaizumi was fully naked, like a new born baby, his body was all sweaty and covered with his and Oikawa's semen, he could feel he was leaking from moving in the bed, he couldn't take a shower the previous night after they did it, because he fell asleep right away, Iwaizumi’s suitcases were packed and ready to leave the house, but there was no sign of Oikawa, his side of the bed had gone cold a long time ago. Iwaizumi looked around himself, and suddenly a white paper got his attention that was right next to the clothes that Iwaizumi should wear, witch a small move of his hand Iwaizumi got the paper, that had changed his whole life.

"I'm so sorry Iwa-chan, I'm leaving, I tried to tell you, but I knew you wouldn't understand, because even I don't understand what's going on, this is not about you, but me. I know what I'm doing to you is too cruel, but please keep the fact that I love you so much, and that you will be the only one for me in your mind. Live a good life, Hajime!" - Oikawa Tooru.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Watch your mouth, Iwa-chan," Oikawa said, "Doesn't Kerria-okaasan always tell you not call me mean names?"
> 
> Iwaizumi made a face, "Shut up, and get here." it was getting late and they hadn't told their mothers that they were going to play in the forest.
> 
> "I don't wanna," Oikawa shrugged, "I wanna watch the sunset."
> 
> Iwaizumi breathed in, "Oikawa," he raised his voice a bit higher, he was only ten years old, he still couldn't even take a good care of himself, but he was taking care of Oikawa. "please," he used the key word to Oikawa's heart.

Iwaizumi took a deep breath, crushed the paper and throw it to the other side of the bed, he refused to believe the words that were written in the paper, he refused to believe Oikawa could leave him just like that, without having a real talk, after fucking him all night long. He looked at the door, he wanted, needed Oikawa to walk in, take him in his arms, and tell him everything was just a bad and senseless joke of his.

He waited a few minutes, there was nothing but silence. He shook his head, there was no point in waiting, it was clear that Oikawa wasn't coming back. He took the clothes that were next to his bed, underwear, a pair of jeans and a black shirt, that he guessed Oikawa had left for him before he left. He looked around one more time, to see if there was something else, another note, or something that would make him understand what was going on, but, of course, there was nothing, after all it was his room, his house.

Iwaizumi's suitcases were packed and ready to go, just like Oikawa had promised last night before he fucked him. His parents weren’t home, they were visiting a relative that had gotten sick and taken to the hospital, they had told Iwaizumi they would go to the train station to send him off.

He looked at the clock hanging on the wall, it was past 10 a.m., he only had half an hour left for his train, he had to find Oikawa before then, or else, he would miss the train. but it's not like he actually cared about the train though, Oikawa was more important at the moment, his mate was more important, he didn't understand what, but he was sure there must be something in Oikawa's mind that was making him unable to think straight, he was sure that Oikawa was feeling uneasy about something, and Iwaizumi felt like he could do something about it, if they had a chance to talk.

There were some times where Oikawa was carefree, but he also was a man that knew about responsibilities. Iwaizumi didn't like the thought of Oikawa seeing him as a responsibility, no, he hated that thought, even their family were acting like Iwaizumi, as an omega, was someone that Oikawa should take care of, they were acting like Iwaizumi was his responsibility. Both Oikawa and Iwaizumi had told them so many times that it wasn't like that, but their behaviour didn't change one bit.

After dressing up, Iwaizumi ran to the living room, he looked around and wonder if there was something, but there was nothing there either. Iwaizumi was all alone in this big house of his, he took a quick look at his phone, there were a few unread texts from his mother that he guessed were about the train time, but Iwaizumi had no time to answer them. He thought about places Oikawa might have gone to, and the problem was, there was too many.

Oikawa and Iwaizumi had lots of secret places in town that they went to when they were feeling down, or wanted to run away, or just needed some time for themselves. Iwaizumi opened the door, and began to think about where he should go first. Should he check his house? He didn't think he would be at his house, it would be too easy, and Oikawa Tooru didn't like simple things, or ever thought making Iwaizumi's life easy.

But he still began to walk towards Oikawa's house, because: one, their houses were only a few steps away, and two, even if Oikawa wasn't home, his mother should be and she might know where the hell he is, or what is going on with him.

Iwaizumi felt uneasy about asking his mate's mother about him. Oikawa's mother and Iwaizumi were always close, but once they started dating and became mates, their closeness grew apart a bit due to Iwaizumi's sudden shyness, after all, being a childhood best friends and boyfriends were two totally different things.

When Iwaizumi was in front of Oikawa's room, there was a note that had been left in the window for people who came to visit them, it said “I'm not home now, but will be coming in half an hour” Iwaizumi felt like there was really something up, but then again Mrs Oikawa was a nurse and it might be about it. Iwaizumi wasn't sure if he should wait there, or take a look at other places, he also had to change his train ticket again. Thankfully, it was easy to do this kind of stuffs with his phone, he bought another ticket and texted his mother the new train hour while walking towards one of their secret places that was at the forest, also close to their home.

 

                                                                                                                         ||~~*~~||

 

"Let's play hide and seek," ten years old Oikawa suggested. It was a hot summer that made Oikawa unable to breathe in his house.

"No," ten years old Iwaizumi refused without even thinking for a second, knowing how bad Oikawa was at playing hide and seek, or maybe good, since Oikawa hid very well and always got lost.

"But, Iwa-chan," Oikawa said, with such a whiny voice that it shouldn't be allowed, "It's so hot in here," Oikawa fanned himself with his hands to cool off, "I’ll melt."

Iwaizumi shrugged as if he didn't care, "Doesn't sounds that bad."

Oikawa made a face as if he was insulted, but it was painfully obvious that he was faking it, "Iwa-chan, don't be a spoilsport for once."

"Says you," Iwaizumi breathe in and breathe out, it was probably the hottest summer day he had ever lived, and he didn't want to go out either, but the woods might be a better place though, "But fine."

Oikawa's eyes suddenly sparkled in joy, "Iwa-chan, never can say no to me," he smiled and it was as bright as the sun.

"Yeah, yeah," Iwaizumi didn't like admitting it, although it was mostly true, "just get your ass moving."

There was a forest near to their house, it wasn't a big one, but it was big enough for kids to play in, the forest was the favourite place of most kids in town. But Iwaizumi wasn't a big a fan of playing in the forest because somewhat Oikawa always ends up hurting himself whenever they went to the forest.

"Don't go too far away," Iwaizumi yelled. He was always the first one to be the seeker, because Oikawa didn't like being it.

"Just shut up and start counting, Iwa-chan," Oikawa said and began running to the opposite side of Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi counted until ten and began looking for Oikawa, playing hide and seek wasn't much fun and it wasn’t something he would prefer to do, but firstly, just like Oikawa said before, he just couldn’t say no to Oikawa, secondly because of summer break, all of their friends were on vacations. They couldn't go anywhere because both, Iwaizumi’s and Oikawa's father, were too busy with their own work.

Iwaizumi looked everywhere around himself, but Oikawa was nowhere to be found, he didn't go to deep into the forest, but he told Oikawa not to do that, Iwaizumi sighed deeply, "I should have look where he was headed," he murmured to himself, he knew it was cheating, but Oikawa had no sense of direction and Iwaizumi was the one that always had to keep an eye on him.

He kept looking for Oikawa silently, but after a few more minutes of no sign of him, Iwaizumi started to get worried, flashbacks of the last time that they were playing there and how Oikawa injured his knee made him even more worried.

"Oikawa," Iwaizumi cried out in fear. The thought that his best friend might be crying in pain somewhere made him get even angrier at himself, because if something happened to Oikawa, it would be only his fault, he was the one that brought him here, although Oikawa was the one who suggested it. If he could say no, he wouldn't get hurt.

"He is not injured," Iwaizumi told himself, "He is okay," he said it as if he was praying, "I will find him soon," the worry in his voice was getting higher, he was walking deep inside the forest, where Iwaizumi had told Oikawa not to go.

He thought about yelling Oikawa's name to find him more easily, but his father told him before there might be some wild animals, he wasn't sure if his father told him that only to make him scared so he wouldn't go inside the forest or if it was real, but Iwaizumi didn't want to risk it. he knew there wouldn't be any actually dangerous animals, but he wasn't sure what he would do if he had to face a small one now, because his whole body was shaking in fear.

Iwaizumi wasn't sure, he didn't have a watch on his wrist, but it must have been minutes since Iwaizumi started walking, but there was nothing other than trees, no sign of Oikawa, no sign of even small animals that he would see everywhere, like birds, or squirrels.

Iwaizumi saw a footpath, after taking one last look before he was going to tell their mothers that he couldn't find Oikawa, he thought Oikawa might see it as well, and if he did, Iwaizumi knew he would walk towards that path. Iwaizumi started to walk towards the footpath, after looking at his surroundings to memorize the way it looked so he wouldn’t get lost.

"Ahhh," Iwaizumi heard not long after, the voice came from too far away and too close at the same time, he looked around himself but saw nothing.

"Oikawa," Iwaizumi called out his name, with an unsure voice.

"I'm here," Oikawa said from somewhere that Iwaizumi couldn't see, but he could hear.

Iwaizumi looked around himself one more time to see where the voice was coming from, but there was nothing, "Where are you?" he finally asked.

"Up, look up," Oikawa said, with such a joyful voice.

Iwaizumi lifted his head to look up. As soon as he did, he was Oikawa sitting on a tree branch that was only a few step ahead of him, he immediately rushed towards the tree, Oikawa, and him were always climbing trees, but when it came to climbing down, Oikawa could break his legs while try to do it.

"What the hell are you doing, shittykawa?" Iwaizumi asked with more anger than worry. For some reason, his anger increased more than his worries, after he saw Oikawa's happy face, when he was getting dead worry for nothing.

"Watch your mouth, Iwa-chan," Oikawa said, "Doesn't Kerria-okaasan always tell you not call me mean names?"

Iwaizumi made a face, "Shut up, and get here." it was getting late and they hadn't told their mothers that they were going to play in the forest.

"I don't wanna," Oikawa shrugged, "I wanna watch the sunset."

Iwaizumi breathed in, "Oikawa," he raised his voice a bit higher, he was only ten years old, he still couldn't even take a good care of himself, but he was taking care of Oikawa. "please," he used the key word to Oikawa's heart.

Oikawa looked down to see Iwaizumi's face better, he looked like a mess, his whole shirt was coated with sweat, and he still had some worry left on his face that Iwaizumi thought it had faded away long ago, but Oikawa still could see it, "Fine," he said.

Iwaizumi didn't know how or when Oikawa got better at climb down, but he was able to get right next to Iwaizumi with only a few moves, "Since when can you can do that? I don't remember teaching you that."

Oikawa wore a proud and smug face, "I have my own ways," said and walked towards where Iwaizumi come from.

Iwaizumi didn't buy what he said, he knew Oikawa was the type of person that easily learned things, but someone had to teach him before. Iwaizumi hadn't taught him, no matter how many times Oikawa asked him to. He didn't have a good reason to not teach him, he didn't do it only because of childish jealousy, because if he did, he knew Oikawa would go without him and, although Iwaizumi hates to admit, he didn't want to feel left out.

"Sure," Iwaizumi lied, he didn't believe a bit, but he didn't want to have a pointless fight with Oikawa, because somewhat he was always the one to win, even if he was the one at fault.

Iwaizumi started to walk faster, and pass ahead of Oikawa, "Let's go."

"Iwa-chan," Oikawa said, and made him stop with his hand, "This tree looks so big, right?" pointed out to tree right next to the one he had climbed.

Iwaizumi nodded, the tree indeed looked pretty big, it could probably be the biggest one in the forest, "Yes, it does."

"Can we make this tree one of our secret places?" Oikawa asked, with such an angelic smile that Iwaizumi was wary of, but he played along.

"The point of secret places is that nobody other that those people know," Iwaizumi turned his head towards to tree and then Oikawa, "Probably everyone already knows about this one."

"But, Iwa-chan," Oikawa didn't care about stupid rules of secret places, he was almost sure Iwaizumi was making them up as well, "Can't we just make it? Who cares if others know?"

Iwaizumi sighed, "Why do I even try?" he thought to himself, "Fine, can we go now?" Iwaizumi asked with the nicest smile he could offer.

 

                                                                                                                         ||~~*~~||

 

Iwaizumi looked at every part of the forest, but there was nothing, Oikawa wasn't here, and it was like there hadn’t been anyone else for a long time, Iwaizumi thought for a moment to remember when was the last time they came here, but he couldn't.

It could have been right after they got back early from vacations, because he was taken to the hospital after presenting as an omega. The first week after he presented as an omega was very hard for him, his parents were always supportive of him, always trying to make him understand that it wouldn’t change the way they loved or saw him, but it wasn't the same for the other members of family, or the people around them.

They were almost too sure Iwaizumi would be a strong and powerful alpha, they expected nothing less from him, the idea they had of Iwaizumi wasn't an omega, and never would be. That’s why when he presented as an omega, the way they treated him changed, and Iwaizumi couldn't take it, he ran away from people, from his friends, his family, even from Oikawa.

But he couldn't run away too far, he could only run till the forest, a place where Oikawa could find him easily, because deep down the only person he wanted was Oikawa, but he was afraid to face him, he was afraid of seeing the same look in Oikawa's eyes like in other's.

Iwaizumi still remembers clearly the day Oikawa had come to make Iwaizumi go back home, or at least it was what Iwaizumi thought, but instead, Oikawa took his hand and asked Iwaizumi to share the rest of his life with him.

Iwaizumi was very aware of what kind of sappy romantic Oikawa was, but it always was towards other people, never towards him. He just couldn't imagine a day would come when Oikawa would say those worst to him, but that moment was real, it had happened, Oikawa's voice was still echoing somewhere in space.

Iwaizumi sighed deeply, "Where are you?" he murmured to himself, and began walking back towards Oikawa's place to see if his mother had come back.

 

                                                                                                                         ||~~*~~||

  
When Iwaizumi was in front of Oikawa's house again, Aimi was walking towards her house, she had some packets in her hands, Iwaizumi made a move to get them, but she stopped them, "I can carry them, they aren't heavy," she said, with such a bright smile that Iwaizumi knew it wasn't fake.

For a moment, he doubted she would know where Oikawa was. But he talked about everything with his mother, if someone knew where Oikawa was, then that person would be Aimi Oikawa.

"Weren’t you leaving for Tokyo at an early hour today?" she asked, and took the keys from one of her pockets.

"I had to change the hour." Iwaizumi said, he didn't know how to ask her about her son, he didn't know how to admit he didn't know anything about his mate that he had promise to always be together with.

Aimi Oikawa studied Iwaizumi's face for a minute, "Want to come in?" she asked, with a sweet tone, but there was some hidden sadness.

"If it's not much trouble." Iwaizumi said.

"Silly child, what trouble are you talking about?" she opened the door and walked in, and left it open for Iwaizumi.

"Want tea?" Aimi Oikawa asked, she put her packets on the nearest chair to herself.

Iwaizumi shook his head, "I'm sorry I don't have much time, I have to make it to next train, but before I go I had to talk with Oikawa."

Aimi Oikawa looked at Iwaizumi's face with surprised eyes that she was trying to hide, she sat right next to Iwaizumi, "Do you not know?" she asked, her voice got sad and broken all of sudden.

"Do I not know what?" Iwaizumi asked, being more worried than curious, "Did something happened to Oikawa?"

Aimi Oikawa sighed, "He really didn't talk to you," she shook her head, like she always did when she got very mad at Oikawa, "Iwaizumi, my dear," she seemed like she was searching for the right words to say, "He is gone," she finally said, "This morning, he flew to England, for university."

She kept talking, she was trying to explain why Oikawa might have not tell him he was leaving, but none of those reasons made any sense, weren't giving him the right to do that to Iwaizumi, no matter what reason he had it wasn't good enough to walk out of Iwaizumi's life like that.

And so, Iwaizumi stopped listening, he shut down all the voices and sounds around him, the only sounds were in his mind, the voice of Oikawa whispering how they would be together forever, how he would never let go of him, they were loving words, while kissing him with such a great passion that it made Iwaizumi's body feel weak. "Lies, all lies," Iwaizumi murmured to himself, and rushed out of Oikawa's house.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm afraid I can't listen to this advice." Iwaizumi said with a plain voice, there was no worry, no fear, no feeling.
> 
> "It wasn't an advice," now she was wearing that therapist mask.

"Iwaizumi," a soft voice called out his name, just like a woman's, but it was as if she was far away from him, as if there was a barrier that was blocking her voice, "Iwaizumi," the same voice again, but this time it was closer, yet still far.

Iwaizumi was too deep in his own thoughts, too deep in his own world that he has lost his sense of time, his sense of reality and was having a hard time to find his way back to the real world.

"Iwaizumi," the woman called out his name one more time, but this time louder and stronger than before, her voice was now powerful enough to make Iwaizumi find his way.

"Yes?" Iwaizumi asked with such a blunt voice, as if he wasn't the person who wasn't responding to his own name for minutes, but he was feeling very very tired and very sleepy that he didn't know where he actually was or who this dark skinned woman was.

Her hair was newly dyed blonde, he was able to tell because he remembers how his mother's hair looked like when she dyed them for the first time, it took almost weeks for them to look normal, but it wasn't like that for her so it probably wasn't the first time, she was pretty good looking and probably was in her 40s, her voice was very soft and there was something strong about it as well.

Iwaizumi wasn't sure if he could trust her or not, not yet, his senses were a mess and still wasn't able to remember anything.

"Do you realize I called out your name more than twice?" woman asked nicely but carefully at the same time, she was studying his face, his words, and his voice.

He couldn't understand why, why was he feeling like he has to make sure the woman doesn't realize the fact that Iwaizumi didn't remember her, didn't remember why was he in this room.

Though, it was something happening very often because of the pills he was taking — oh — "the pills," he thought to himself, and now his memories were coming back in a rush that his body wasn't ready for, but now he at least was remembering everything.

 

                                                                                                              ||~~*~~||

 

The woman's name was Kagami Asami, she was his therapist for half a year now and a close friend of his mother, at the first she didn't want to see Iwaizumi because of the closeness but after seeing how bad the situation Iwaizumi was in, she couldn't bring herself to say "no."

He was seeing her because after Oikawa has left him, his omega sense made a great mess of him, he was longing for him non-stop, his body was in a great desire and pain, his omega sense was making him want to look for Oikawa, follow him, find him, beg him to take his back. But his first heat was even worse.

He was in a great pain, there was no way to stop it, he even tried to mate with a stranger to end the pain but his body couldn't take it, couldn't accept him, pills weren't working, nothing was working, he was feeling lucky if he could get a few hours of sleep, but even then he was looking for Oikawa.

There was ways to an omega to reject the bite, reject the alpha but it was only after the bite, not months after, this is why people were telling not to mate at such a young age, but Iwaizumi never thought they would become like this, he has never though Oikawa would do such a thing to him.

His sweet love whispers were still in Iwaizumi's ears, his promises about their future, the house they would be living together, the names of their children — funny how Iwaizumi has never thought himself with taking care of someone else, raising someone else, but because they were going to be a part both of them, something they create together, he wanted so much but now it was all pointless and probably was never going to have children.

Since people never learned how not to mate before settling everything and be sure about wanting to be together, people have found other ways to make them forget, —though there was no problem for alphas since they could have as many mate as they want — there were some ways like mating with another alpha, it was very hard and painful but was the less complex and fast then long therapy sessions and taking pills might make him barren and feeling like a zombie.

The barren part wasn't the matter, didn't matter, after all Iwaizumi wasn't planning to have a child, not anymore but the zombie part was very tough, he wasn't feeling anything, he was often forgetting a lot of things, even simple things like his name, his address, he was losing sense of time, sometimes he was feeling too tired to be alive, to breathe, but at least they were making him also forget about Oikawa.

The worst part was it was affecting his university life the most, he fought and studied a lot and very hard to get into this university and his first half of year was ruined because of the fact that he was an abandoned omega.

Most of people were nice and caring but their kindness was making Iwaizumi feel somehow worse, he was ready for dirty looks, he was ready for hurtful words but not the forced sympathy and pity, he didn't want that he didn't want for people to look at him with such a sad look on their faces, there was nothing to be sad or to feel too bad about him.

Iwaizumi Hajime wasn't a person that should be pitied just because his alpha whom he knew since he was six and trusted the most, no, he should be pitied because he was stupid enough to think Oikawa would be okay with someone like him.

 

                                                                                                              ||~~*~~||

 

"Iwaizumi, are you okay?" Asami asked with such softer voice then before, now she finally has Iwaizumi's attention; she didn't have to raise her voice. "Are you feeling better?"

"I don't know," Iwaizumi confess, there was no point of lying to his therapist, he was coming here to get help, and lying wouldn't make his problems solve, make them go away; it wasn't only about Oikawa thing that his problem was as well. "I'm not sure."

Iwaizumi did love those moments that he was forgetting everyone, and himself, he did love how his mind was only full of his studies and nothing more, he loved the feeling of emptiness that forgetting memories was making him.

"Those pills," Iwaizumi wasn't sure how to explain his feelings, his thoughts. Were there even the right words for those feelings?

"They do work," Iwaizumi finally could say after a pause, "they are making me forget about him," saying his name was still a forbidden word for him, cause his omega feeling was going wild. "But not only him, also everyone else, even myself."

Asami did sense Iwaizumi was having some memory problems but she would never have guessed it was that serious, the look on her face wasn't giving Iwaizumi nice signals.

"Iwaizumi," she was trying to hide the pity and worry in her voice but probably due to his sudden confession, she wasn't able to wear her therapist mask. "You need to stop taking those pills."

It wasn't an actual surprise for Iwaizumi, he did know she would make him stop taking those pills if he was being too honest with her, it was the risk Iwaizumi could take, but he still didn't plan to stop taking them, they were working, they was making his omega senses calm and low, so he needed them.

"I'm afraid I can't listen to this advice." Iwaizumi said with a plain voice, there was no worry, no fear, no feeling.

"It wasn't an advice," now she was wearing that therapist mask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi I'm sorry for all the wait and coming back with such a short chapter but it's mostly because before writing more I wanted to ask a simple question that would reading a sightly ushiiwa make y'all uncomfortable? 
> 
> I have two different version for this, so it's no problem for me, I wanted to hear what y'all, readers are thinking about it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iwaizumi turned towards Oikawa, got closer his mouth to his mouth, "Go on," he whispered sweetly.

"I'm sorry," Iwaizumi wasn't planning to let anyone get between him and his treatment of getting free of this bite mark, this soul bond that was making his life a living hell, "but you're just a therapist that my doctor wanted me to see."

 

His doctor told him that he needs a therapist if he wants that treatment cause it's gonna affect him both mentally, and physically, and Iwaizumi needed all the help he could get, and his family knowing a great and well known therapist was a nice coincidence.

 

"You have no right to end my treatment like this." there was an obvious self-reliance in his voice that was coming from knowing his doctor would never end his treatment cause he also was obsessed with the idea of finding a cure for omegas, for unwanted bonds, for unwanted bite marks.

 

Though he wasn't doing it because he was caring for omegas but because he was a beta that has never been respected by most of alphas and his fiancé was stolen by one of those alphas, it was something very personal for him.

 

Anyone with a clear mind wouldn't trust a doctor at that stage but Iwaizumi had no hope, if his family would know about the doctor's past nor his friends they wouldn't let Iwaizumi do this but it was a secret between them that Iwaizumi has learned when he made a research to use against the doctor if he ever wanted to stop.

 

He didn't want to live like this and he wouldn't mind going far if it meant this pain to stop and now he had nothing to worry about, he knew the doctor will be always next to him till his treatment ends.

 

Iwaizumi made a move to stand up but suddenly he couldn't move his legs, he couldn't feel his legs but he thought it's because he was sitting for a while his legs got weak and wanted to wait a few seconds to make a move again, "I think we won't see each other again," Iwaizumi said, the self-reliance in his voice was fading away.

 

He didn't want those therapies to end in fact, it was helpful for him, they were making his mind stay together, she was good for him, he knew he won't able to have this bond with others but ending the treatment wasn't something Iwaizumi could take.

 

Kagami Asami looked at his face with such a calm face that made Iwaizumi felt like there was something up, she was looking too calm, the room was too quiet and was getting chilly suddenly. Which was something making him more uneasy cause Asami was always careful with degree of the room. It was never too hot or chilly.

 

"What's going on?" Iwaizumi felt like he has to ask but for some reasons his voice wasn't coming out.

 

Asami slowly put the notebook she was holding the table right next to her, and carefully got up from the couch she was sitting, that was only a few steps away from Iwaizumi, as if she was making sure her movements

weren't too fast. There was a look on her face that Iwaizumi has never seen but seemed familiar with but he just wasn't able to name.

 

"Iwaizumi," her voice got soft suddenly, "you're bleeding." she said while trying to make eye contact with Iwaizumi and not let him look at the blood pond between his legs but it didn't help.

 

Asami was talking about something but Iwaizumi was hearing no words afterwards, Iwaizumi inclined his head down as soon as he hear those words, he was wearing tight white jeans that was Oikawa's favorites cause they apparently were making Iwaizumi's ass look gorgeous - his words wasn't "gorgeous" more like something "delicious" though Iwaizumi hated wearing them at first, once he got used to them he couldn't wear any other jeans. After all Iwaizumi did like the thought of his ass was looking nice.

 

His white jeans were covered with a dark shade of blood, he was finally getting iron-ish smell of blood. He touched his leg, to feel, to understand this was actually happening, and he was able to feel hot and fresh blood on his fingertips, his vision was getting blurry and dark, he couldn’t understand what was happening, where was this blood coming from.

 

"What's going on?" Iwaizumi's voice was too tiny that Asami almost didn't hear him but his voice has finally came out.

 

                                                                                                                       ||~~*~~||

 

 

Iwaizumi didn't remember much about afterwards, he remembers a bit of loud noises Asami was making, he remembers the cool face she was trying to put but inaudible fear in her eyes.

 

"You gonna be okay," Asami said with such hopeful voice, somehow she knew it wasn't something threatening his life, but Iwaizumi felt like everything would be much easier for him and his family if he just died right now, like this. "Everything gonna be fine." but still a part of him needed, wanted to hear those words.

 

After that everything went dark.

 

He doesn't remember when he made it to hospital, when he opened his eyes again, he was getting into the hospital corridor with stretcher and a few people around him, they were talking about things he wasn't getting, or more like he still wasn't able to hear them properly, it still was some buzzing, not words.

 

He suddenly felt too sleepy, his eyes were closing on its own, he didn't fought back, he let the sleep get him, and thought maybe he would dream something better, something good and maybe when he opens his eyes again he would be in a much better reality.

 

When he opened his eyes for the second time he was in a hospital room where a middle aged man appeared before his eyes and a few nurses, the 

man was the only one familiar thing in the room, he was someone Iwaizumi did know. He was looking very tired and it was obvious he had stayed in the same clothes from yesterday which meant he couldn't leave the hospital since a day ago or so "Iwaizumi?" called out his name.

 

Iwaizumi wanted to answer him, but though he opened his mouth no word came out, "It's fine," the doctor comforted him, "Do you know who am I? Do you know where you are? Do you know why you are here?" he turned towards to nurses and took the reports of Iwaizumi, and turned his head to Iwaizumi again.

 

"Do not force yourself to talk, just nod or shake your head," Iwaizumi could now hear him perfectly fine but for some reasons there was a dirty taste and pain in his throat.

 

"I'm gonna go with the first question; Do you know who am I?"

 

Iwaizumi nodded, the doctor was Satou Ichirou, his doctor, the beta doctor that was working on the omega cure on him.

 

"Good," he said, and took a quick look at the reports again, he was looking like he was about to give some bad news but didn't know how to start talking about it. "Now, the second one; Do you know where are you?"

 

Iwaizumi nodded once again, there was no question about it, he was in a single hospital room that looked expensive and comfy.

 

The uneasy look on Ichirou face was more obvious than before now, "the last one; Do you know why are you here?"

 

Iwaizumi shake his head.

 

                                                                                                                       ||~~*~~||

 

"Iwaizumi," Oikawa has called out his name so dearly, so preciously that Iwaizumi felt like he could melt in his voice, but had to wear his poker face or Oikawa wouldn't let him sleep the whole night and they had a practice match at the morning.

 

"What do you want?" Iwaizumi thought maybe playing dumb for once would let him get away for one night, but it only has caused Oikawa to get closer to him and wrap his arms around him tightly.

 

"Do you want me to be more obvious about what I want Iwa-chan?" Oikawa said with such a playful voice that as if it was a kind of game. It was a plan that couldn't backfire worse than that, probably.

 

"No," Iwaizumi sighed deeply, "in fact I want you to go back to your own futon and let me sleep by myself."

 

Oikawa didn't took Iwaziumi's words even a bit serious, and had begun to slowly kiss his neck, the most sensitive part of an omega, and Iwaizumi's second. Iwaziumi had tried to push him away, and he had enough strength to do so but, God, he also wanted it, he also wanted Oikawa as much as Oikawa wanted him.

 

While kissing, sucking Iwaizumi's neck Oikawa has begun to unbutton Iwaizumi's shirt, "Oik-awa," Iwaizumi said with such a lusty voice that even he was surprised to hear such a voice has come out of him.

 

"You won't let me?" Oikawa asked, he was serious, it was an actual question, if Iwaizumi said "no" Oikawa would give him a sweet goodnight kiss and got back to his own futon and end the night.

 

But the thing is a sweet kiss wouldn't be able to feed the awaken lust on his body, awaken omega inside - blaming his omega senses were easier than admitting he, himself was a lusty person.

 

Iwaizumi turned towards Oikawa, got closer his mouth to his mouth, "Go on," he whispered sweetly.

 

"I really love you the most." Oikawa said with sparks in his eyes and didn't waste a minute to get his tongue into Iwaizumi's mouth.

 

                                                                                                                       ||~~*~~||

 

Ichirou was looking like he was defeated in a fight, he was looking very upset and there was a great guilt in his eyes that he was obviously avoiding eye contact with Iwaizum.

 

"I'm sorry," Ichirou has finally begun to spoke, "I didn't know, it's definitely not an excuse, what has happened is completely my fault and I will take full responsibility."

 

Black haired nurse coughed "Doctor Ichirou," she was looking older than the other two so Iwaizumi guessed she was head nurse.

 

Ichirou absolutely didn't like to seen weak in front of other people but because of something Iwaizumi didn't know yet, he was bearing it, which was something making Iwaizumi more curious and nervous. He still had no idea what happened, why he was here, why he did have a bleeding like that.

 

"Iwaizumi Hajime, you had miscarriage." doctor Satou Ichirou finally said the reason, the answer he was waiting for.


	5. never ending sadness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He has lost his baby, their child, his life time bond with Oikawa. His mind was working better now but was even more complicated than before, than ever.

It took more than a few minutes for Iwaizumi to clutch the meaning of the words doctor was telling him. His mind was as if frozen right after that, he couldn't think of anything, he couldn't feel anything. He couldn't understand how it happened, he had no idea that he was even pregnant. That there was a tiny life inside of him.

 

He has shown no sign of pregnancy, his body gave him no sign, he has spent days and even months at hospitals, he took blood tests over and over for his treatment but nobody told him a word about his baby that was a growing, about tiny life he and Oikawa has made.

 

But the thing is now everything was clearer about why, he thinks about the reason why his treatment didn't worked well, it probably was because of the baby. Even after all that pain he couldn't be able to get over him was because of their baby. And now it was gone, it was gone before Iwaizumi even knew about it, as if it never happened, as if it, their baby didn’t exist till this moment, till it's death.

 

He has lost his baby, their child, his life time bond with Oikawa. His mind was working better now but was even more complicated than before, than ever. He wasn't sure about how to feel all about this. He sure has dreamed about having Oikawa's baby one day back then but now? No, not after what happened. Not after how Oikawa left him.

 

The thought of him begin happy and relieved for the death of his baby was making him feel like he is such a sick and heartless person but even if so, he wasn't sure, he didn't know if he was strong enough to have the baby of someone who left him without a word, someone that left him after telling and promising him a life together. Iwaizumi didn't know so he wants to believe this was for the better, he has to believe this was for the better to move on with his life.

 

He knows it was an innocent life that did nothing wrong, that Iwaizumi shouldn't hate them for the mistakes their father has done but his wounds were too fresh to think unbiased, be neutral about.

"Iwaizumi, are you okay?" the doctor asked, there was a great guiltiness in his voice that Iwaizumi was able to sense even though he was in such condition, he wasn't able to make an eye constant with him.

 

"Yes, I am," it was a lie, he wasn't okay but also he wasn't feeling sad or bad, he was feeling nothing, it was just a big blankness and he didn't know how to put it on the words that the feeling he was having now.

 

"I just have one question," Iwaizumi took a deep breath, he needed a moment to organize his thoughts to talk. "I took lots of blood tests and was having a bond treatment as well as there was no sign. How did this happen? I can't understand." his voice was shaking, a sudden sadness was getting him.

 

"I'm sorry, Iwaizumi." the doctor moved a few step closer to him, he didn't want to step into his personal space but as a doctor he has to be closer in the case if something happens.

 

"I didn't notice, it was due to pregnancy that your blood test was like that, it was something many abandoned omegas has shown that I thought--" his voice was getting worse, it was obvious his mistakes was eating him alive. "You're one of them as well, so I didn't cared about it much and only has focused on how can I make you forget about your mate, how I can make you free from that unwanted bond, but it's still my fault, it was my duty to check out every single thing."

 

Iwaizumi was lost for words, a part of him wanted to comfort him, he felt like the weight of a life dying because of his neglect was enough punishment for a doctor but still he couldn't bear to open his mouth to say any word other than he asked him to call Matsukawa and Hanamaki. It was all Iwaizumi could do.

 

Not long after Matsukawa and Hanamaki has showed up in front of his hospital room door with the most terrified look for him. The doctor has probably told them about what happened before they have come to see him. Matsukawa was looking like he was about to explode in any minute and Hanamaki was looking calm as he was never before, it was such a funny view cause normally it was the other around.

 

Matsukawa was always better at keeping his cool and Hanamaki was ready to lose it but since it was something he was facing way too often that he get to know how to be calm in this kind of situations.

Matsukawa and Hanamaki were together since the first year of high school and they knew they were each other's fated mates since then. They knew what they wanted from the life, they knew what they wanted from each other but of course life has cruel ways to teach and make people understand not everything goes like we planned.

 

There was no question about Matsukawa would be an alpha, he was coming from an alpha highly family, so nobody has surprised when he present as one. The actual fear was about Hanamaki, he was coming from a beta and an omega parents, though people were telling him he probably will be an omega and will live his happily ever after life with Matsukawa, the fear was always here, always in his mind.

 

He was one of the few people who actually wanted to be an omega, he knew all the hardship from his own mother but it was a pain he wanted to take, he was willing to take cause it was his only way to be with his love. There were alpha and beta couples that were trying to make it work but they wouldn't have the love, the passion, the bond that an alpha and an omega would have.

 

He saw that from his own parents, there was love between them, he was a lovechild, wasn't a mistake, wasn't a logical child, his parents loved each other, wanted to be with each other but Hanamaki could see there was always, always a missing piece, that piece didn't become the end of them but still wasn't fully each other’s. And it wasn't what he wanted from himself and Matsukawa.

 

But in the end he has present as a beta, he has try to break up with Matsukawa a few times but Matsukawa didn't care what Hanamaki was, all it mattered for him was Hanamaki and that's all.

 

So, Hanamaki was giving up, requesting break up but still wants to have a bond with him, if he couldn't get a bite, then he wanted something bigger, something more special, he wanted a baby, though they were too young to be parents, they didn't care. Matsukawa had some questions but he could see it was what Hanamaki needed so he could find a way to solve them.

 

It was around the last few months of high school that Hanamaki got pregnant for the first time. He was never happier as much as he was on that day but that happiness didn't last long, he had a miscarriage a few weeks later. Then he got pregnant after their graduation, but again their baby could live only a month.

 

After his second miscarriage Hanamaki got into a big depression that he didn't eat for days, he didn't talk for weeks. He couldn't be there for Iwaizumi and help him because he, himself needed help. He didn't even wanted to try again, he was afraid of trying and losing another baby again, he was scared of all of those would tear apart him and Matsukawa.

 

This is why he could sympathy with Iwaizumi right now, this is why he was looking into his eyes like no else could dare to.

 

"You will be okay, Iwa." Hanamaki said with such soft and calm voice that Iwaizumi couldn't even say when he was begin to cry but his ears were aching with his own screams and cries.

 

Both Hanamaki and Matsukawa was holding his hands and crying with him for the sake of the baby he has lost but didn't even knew about till now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that this chapter took so long!! lots of things has happened with my personal life that I couldn't bring myself to write again, and the fact that those chapters were going to be angsty wasn't helping either but I'm finally back and I hope with a good chapter too!!!
> 
> anywyas, I hope y'all liked the chapter and had good time!!

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first time I'm writing an a/o fic so if there is mistakes I'm deeply sorry 
> 
> and thank you so much taitsu for everything!!
> 
> comments would help a lot!!


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